Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Are my feet made of real feet?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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