Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
