PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
