Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
