Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
