My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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