Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i came on her dog
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
