he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
