Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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