Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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