can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
