I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
