Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
