I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
