drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize