The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
