Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
