Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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