I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
