Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
