You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
