so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
