Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
