went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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