somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
