Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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