well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
