Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
