fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
