His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
