woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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