my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
