Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
