Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Boobs are out for the taking
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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