why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
