I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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