it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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