Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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