Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
