therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
