FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
