I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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