Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
