i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
