marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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