And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
