Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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