the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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