You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
