hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
