My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize