pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
