new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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