Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
