How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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