I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
