I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
