Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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