She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
