Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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