If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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