i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
