the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
