just tell him i said nine months
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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