PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize