omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
