Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
