She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
