break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
