actually, I'm a sock model
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
