Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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