just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
