she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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