I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were destined to go to rehab together
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
