Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's always time for handjobs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
sex in a hospital.. check
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
