so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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