Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
