with your own penis?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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