Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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