Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
