Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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