i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
