Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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