The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
