I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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