i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize