come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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