Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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