She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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