There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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