I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
