I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
