2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
