Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
