That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
