I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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