i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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