Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
