if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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