The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
