FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
