she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
