I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
